How to Date a Model
…or anyone else, for that matter
Gentlemen, it’s time we discussed this dating thing seriously. I know we’ve been yacking about personal authority and game and C&F and all the other toys the gods have given us to work with. But it’s time to finally get a grip on reality here.
Want the one secret that gets lost in all this theory and behavioural study?
Hot women are actually real people.
I know. I was shocked to hear it myself (yeah…not really). The reason I’m emphasizing this point is because I received this email this week from a reader, and I thought it high time we clear the air about some of this nonsense.
I have a friend who tends bar at a club downtown. He invited me down one night because he knew this group of models was going to be hanging out there (the owner set it up as a publicity thing), so of course I went. There was this one girl I started talking to…24, fitness and swimsuit model, unbelievably super sweet (I’m 26 btw). Anyways, we were talking and it seemed like we just really hit it off so I asked for her number and SHE GAVE IT TO ME!! Holy shit…I texted her later to make sure it wasn’t fake and sure enough it was actually her. We texted back and forth for a few days but now I don’t know what to do next. I really want to ask her out but I’m scared shitless. Seriously…these girls fly all over the world doing sexy photo shoots and probably hanging out with male model types and picking up at clubs. So what do I do? Just call it a fantasy and move on to someone more my speed? I think that would be the smart move, but I also really like her. I’m stuck! Please please please tell me what I should do! ~ Dave M., Toronto
Hoo boy…tough problem for sure. First though, let’s look at the real issues at play here:
- “scared shitless”
- “someone more my speed”
- “tell me what I should do”
Picking up on a theme here? Poor Dave is confident enough to talk to a sweet, smart, sexy fitness model, but not confident in his ability to be enough for her…right to the point where he’s asking me to make the decision for him! That’s a serious cop-out Dave, because you’ve put your perception of this girl’s job in the way of your own potential. You already said that at the club you hit it off, she’s really sweet, you’ve texted back and forth (so she’s not brushing you off…always a good sign), and you really like her. So what’s the problem?
Look, if she was a flight attendant, she’d fly around the world, and probably drink up what life has to offer. If she was an insurance agent she might very well do the same thing. Your number one issue is with her job, Dave. JOB. Not with her social status or her class or a language barrier or anything else. She’s a model, just like your buddy is a bartender. Get over it.
As someone who’s gone out with a few models in his day, the thing I want you to know about models is this: like everyone else, there are some who love to party and bang, and some who go out for some fun but would rather spend the weekend at home watching a movie. Events are their lives, and some live by them while others take them only as part of the professional territory while keeping their private lives surprisingly sedate. This is no different from any other woman. The reason it seems different to you is that part of the job involves men all over the world admiring her. She works in a sexually-charged atmosphere, and that’s somehow threatening to you.
Therein lies the second secret of the model’s romantic life. They tend to be extremely loyal when they’re in a relationship. Because their main skill lies in their looks, they’re used to being admired for their physical beauty. When they meet a guy who gets to know them, the attraction is much deeper. Look at any model’s Facebook page, and you’ll see comments on how they look constantly. You’ll also see thousands of men proposing and saying they love them. It’s part of the territory, but it’s also a nuissance in the dating department. So the perception is that if they have all these men fauning over them all the time, they must have the pick of any guy they want. In reality, they don’t want just any guy. They want a guy who can get past the camera lens and get to know the real them. They want a guy who can fall in love with her because she bakes him cookies, not because she’s on the cover of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue.
They don’t all bake cookies. I’m making a point: that these are women. Beautiful, yes, and admired by throngs of adoring male fans. But that doesn’t place them out of your league or out of your speed. In your case, Dave, you already know she’s sweet, she likes you enough to keep chatting, and she hasn’t blocked your texts yet. That means you’re in, so gut up and make a decisive move, or you’ll miss out on the chance of a lifetime with an amazing woman.
Having said all that, here are a few pointers to keep in mind when you do start dating a model:
- Don’t be jealous, and don’t be posessive. These behaviours will spell disaster for your relationship, because they imply that what she does for a living is less important than what you want from her. Turn off this instinct ASAP, and remember that thing I just mentioned: a model in a relationship tends to be very loyal to her man. Don’t push her away by suggesting she’s anything else.
- Focus on her personality. Everyone tells her she’s beautiful all the time. Take pride in things she does instead. Notice how funny she is. Point out what a great cook she is. Brag about her ability to work ridiculous hours in the most physically demanding and uncomfortable conditions. Of course tease her a little, but make sure everyone (especially her) knows how awesome a person she is.
- Don’t give her career advice (unless she asks). She knows more about her industry than you do, but for some reason guys always try to drop “you should do this or that” advice on models. It implies the suggestion that you don’t think she’s smart enough to control her own life and career, and that’s a HUGE mistake. Steer clear of discussing her career as if you’re the authority. Same goes for her finances…she’s lived this long without your input, and it’s really none of your business.
- Stay cool. I mean Fonzie cool, not calm cool (although do that too). She works in a fashion industry that’s dictated by trends, and you need to show that you’re at least on the ball enough not to be left too far behind. You don’t have to buy a new Porsche every year, but stay current with trends, fashion, media…all the stuff that she’ll want to talk about when she does talk about work.
- Keep up, but don’t tag along. This one is hard, but yes, models often do have very busy, very jetsetting lives. Don’t become a “house husband” type of boyfriend who acts like her anchor. Be an active participant as much as possible…but at the same time, don’t become a puppy dog who follows her around from club to club, holding her purse while she goes off to dance with her friends. When you go out for a good time, participate, don’t capitulate.
- Know where she stands. Is she in this to have a steady relationship, or is she actively dating? If it’s the latter, don’t be her go-to guy when nobody “better” is available — being a boyfriend on call sucks, and it can undermine your confidence (not to mention keeping you attached and preventing you from dating freely as well). If you’re clear about where she stands, you’ll have a much better time overall, and have more opportunity to try to win her over permanently.
- Remember these key ingredients: confidence, sense of humour, and thoughtfulness. These are the traits most women find most attractive in a man, and they’re cited most often as the qualities they value. Don’t believe me? Check out any dating site and see what the women there say they’re looking for. Or better yet, read over the Women We Love features right here on The Man Sphere.
The bottom line here is that dating a model is no different than dating any other beautiful woman. Be confident enough to make your moves, be interesting enough to keep her interested, be man enough to not tag along like a lovesick puppy, and be smart enough to put your jealous instincts away permanently. She’s a person first and foremost, and it’s recognizing and celebrating that fact that will set you apart from her legions of admirers. Get that right, and you’ll have no trouble winning her over.