by Jordan Harbinger, The Art of Charm
Bad news for the chicks: Your man lies. Probably a lot. The good news is that a lot of these are pretty wholesome white lies. But when we say “your man lies,” we mean your man, not some random dude one of your girlfriends is dating. These are some places where you might need a little extra attention to get the truth out of your man. And guess what ladies? There’s still a really good chance you aren’t going to get it. To all the men reading this: Sorry that we’re giving away trade secrets.
“I was late because I was stuck in traffic.”
The strangest thing about this lie is that guys use it even when they aren’t really covering anything up. “I’m stuck in traffic” is the all-purpose excuse men use for being late, no matter what the reason. Basically it seems like anyone can relate to being struck in traffic and being late because of it. So if you decide to call your man out on this, remember that “I was stuck in traffic” isn’t guyspeak for “I was banging your best friend.” Trust us, if he were doing something that bad he’d have a way more elaborate lie at the ready.
“Your friends are great.”
They might be, but he still probably doesn’t like them very much. If he did, you would have more reason to be worried. Most gents like to bro out with other dudes, with the exception of a couple outstanding ladies or work colleagues. Your friends might be nice enough for him to tolerate without any grunting and groaning, but chances are pretty good that he doesn’t actually like them. He’d never choose to spend time with them if he didn’t know you. This also basically applies to your cat, your parents and your cooking. Oh, and your ex boyfriend? He hates him, no matter how many times he says that he seems cool.
“I’m not hammered.”
He’s hammered, he just doesn’t want to hear about it.
“It wasn’t that expensive.”
Dudes lie about how much things cost more than women do. If you two share finances, he’s basically banking on you being less pissed about how much he spent by the time you check out the statement… or that you won’t look at the statement at all. Even if you two are completely financially independent he might lie to you about how much he spent on something. Why? Because if he tells a guy how much he spent on something, it’s because he got a good deal and his bro will respect. If he got killed on the deal, he’ll get some sympathy from his homie. He doesn’t want to tell you because he doesn’t think you’d know a good deal if it bit you in the ass and if he got soaked, he doesn’t want to hear about it. Leave it alone, ladies.
“You don’t look fat in that.”
You might not, but you also don’t want an honest answer to this question. So, really, you need to stop asking questions about your weight or whether or not you look good in something. Repeat: You don’t want an honest answer. Stop asking.
“Baby, you’re the best at _______.”
Nah. His best lay was some crazy girl that he hooked up with while shitfaced on a study abroad program in Europe. The sweetest thing he ever dated was some wonderful girl who did everything for him who he repaid by treating like total shit. Don’t worry though, he’s not settling for you, and you are the best thing in his life at this moment, which is the only thing that matters. Just know that you’re not some kind of sexual fairy godmother that’s the answer to his prayers. That’s just some shit we tell you because it makes you happy.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.
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